I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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