OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
