the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
