Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
