I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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