worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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