Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
