that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
