your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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