her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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