YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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