Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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