I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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