i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
