that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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