I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
