My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize