Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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