i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
