I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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