I hate your face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
