i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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