I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
