i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I could make wine with my vomit
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
