my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
