he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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