Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
