he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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