Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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