I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
