Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize