Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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