did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish you could order shots online.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
