remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
