I didn't shave. On purpose
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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