I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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