it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Someone signed my nipple.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
