i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My feet surprised me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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