I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
