Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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