the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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