I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
