Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
