He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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