WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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