Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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