HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
