Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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