I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
