my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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