Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize