is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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