so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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