HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
