69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
