This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
