So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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