he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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