i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
