could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
