Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
