At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
