Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Vodka?
Forever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
