This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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