the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He literally asked permission to hit on me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
